Monday, August 31, 2009
What is carried out
does not place back in the way it used to.
I really haven't blogged in a while. Yet to invade my own privacy of the past, I want to date back to when I made the stupidest decision of my life. When was this? I don't know when it started, but it's a common thing that happens to most people. Many people may or may not know this, but there are times when I can never get things straight, and yet I still continue to do it. I'm the type of person who's so disorganized, I can get my room messy within an hour. That's unusual. There were times I didn't know whether I was hurting someone's feelings or not. Pride and humility are common in everyone. Pride, as taking something you accomplished in the wrong ways. As if you've controlled so much that you wouldn't even think of the slightest thought that someone else has done the same thing. Yet you try to make it more interesting by lying or giving authority over someone else. I felt that way sometimes. Being able to be proud of myself even if things weren't perfect, I took advantage of it and later grew out of that condition. (I won't mention details) It's something I worry about. I worry that I might repeat some steps I've taken, I worry that maybe everyone will point fingers at me and make me realize that I'm that horrible. Right now, I feel that I'm just there. I'm a necessity. You can take me or not, nothing would change or happen. But it's alright, I know that I'm on and off with everyone. It's understandable, I take too much 'Jovey time' in me. Hopefully someone can understand what I'm going through. There are others that struggle with this, but what I need is someone to point that finger and tell me I'm wrong, because this whole time, I feel like I can't even express myself completely.
I really haven't blogged in a while. Yet to invade my own privacy of the past, I want to date back to when I made the stupidest decision of my life. When was this? I don't know when it started, but it's a common thing that happens to most people. Many people may or may not know this, but there are times when I can never get things straight, and yet I still continue to do it. I'm the type of person who's so disorganized, I can get my room messy within an hour. That's unusual. There were times I didn't know whether I was hurting someone's feelings or not. Pride and humility are common in everyone. Pride, as taking something you accomplished in the wrong ways. As if you've controlled so much that you wouldn't even think of the slightest thought that someone else has done the same thing. Yet you try to make it more interesting by lying or giving authority over someone else. I felt that way sometimes. Being able to be proud of myself even if things weren't perfect, I took advantage of it and later grew out of that condition. (I won't mention details) It's something I worry about. I worry that I might repeat some steps I've taken, I worry that maybe everyone will point fingers at me and make me realize that I'm that horrible. Right now, I feel that I'm just there. I'm a necessity. You can take me or not, nothing would change or happen. But it's alright, I know that I'm on and off with everyone. It's understandable, I take too much 'Jovey time' in me. Hopefully someone can understand what I'm going through. There are others that struggle with this, but what I need is someone to point that finger and tell me I'm wrong, because this whole time, I feel like I can't even express myself completely.
Monday, August 24, 2009
What I said
(Two different guys)
I told him about my recent relationship.
I told him I had to end it cause of distance
Then he asked me, "What, you don't think distant relationships can work?"
I told him, "In some ways, but with him, I wasn't ready for a committment"
Scratch that. That's what I wish I told him.
Instead I said, "In some ways, I don't think it could"
Did I do something wrong?
I told him about my recent relationship.
I told him I had to end it cause of distance
Then he asked me, "What, you don't think distant relationships can work?"
I told him, "In some ways, but with him, I wasn't ready for a committment"
Scratch that. That's what I wish I told him.
Instead I said, "In some ways, I don't think it could"
Did I do something wrong?
Sunday, August 23, 2009
I dont get it at all
Why does it seem like, the world is pushing me aside?
I always tend to tell myself, yea, it's always my fault.
And I can't even appreciate that I have other opportunities open for me.
Am I being selfish? Am I not watching what I say?
I hate this 'time of the month'
I haven't teared up since camp.
Actually at camp, I cried. Crying for me is 20 minutes.
I know, I'm wasting time writing about this.
BUT DAMN IT, what the hell am I even thinking?
You know what I hate?
Being ashamed of myself.
I hate having to say things and not go word by word.
But then again, I can't acknowledge on my own understanding.
Bad way to end summer..
Jr is coming up.
I wanna give in..
fuck my parents. I'm just waiting till I straighten things out and not have someone complain for me in the uttermost disturbing way. I am fucked up.
Ohk. I'm weird.
I always tend to tell myself, yea, it's always my fault.
And I can't even appreciate that I have other opportunities open for me.
Am I being selfish? Am I not watching what I say?
I hate this 'time of the month'
I haven't teared up since camp.
Actually at camp, I cried. Crying for me is 20 minutes.
I know, I'm wasting time writing about this.
BUT DAMN IT, what the hell am I even thinking?
You know what I hate?
Being ashamed of myself.
I hate having to say things and not go word by word.
But then again, I can't acknowledge on my own understanding.
Bad way to end summer..
Jr is coming up.
I wanna give in..
fuck my parents. I'm just waiting till I straighten things out and not have someone complain for me in the uttermost disturbing way. I am fucked up.
Ohk. I'm weird.
Thursday, August 20, 2009
be urself
via blogsecret
VVVV Is that really cute?
Haha, I remember this:
Me- But.. I'm heckaa shy right now o.o
Him- Lol, just be yourself!
VVVV Is that really cute?
Haha, I remember this:
Me- But.. I'm heckaa shy right now o.o
Him- Lol, just be yourself!
8997.) Sometimes my favorite thing to do is just watch you be you. You're so cute.
you're the reason why I live.
:D So far so good.
Good middle locker at the Senior/Freshman Quad. Also I'm next to Amanda! I don't care how dirty my locker looks. But, I'll cover it up with stickers! haha. Inside is clean! I put 2 binders in there, about to put more later hah! Yepp!
Schedule seems right, cept the fact that I have Maestas 1st period. And Chemistry first period? D: Oh wells. It's cool. I don't mind having to study at Starbucks lol. Just kiddin.
And Calc 6th period? yeeee. It's k hah.
I'm actually excited for JR. year. cept the Kasama part hah.
Hm. Cute stuff happened. (: Glad we're friends. But I think I'm not being persistent! I really want GYC bonfire to come(: AND Tsunami! Lol. Just kidd.
I don't know what's been up man. Everything's changing, and it's drawing me to be adapted to it. But, busy as always, I'll manage to keep up with people(: Ahah, driving second semester ;D! YEEUH. Hah.
Summer loss, summer loves.
It's alright. I wouldn't want to say, thanks for the experience, I would want to say "Thanks for the inspiring and compassionate memories of my life. It was nice to see that patience is key. But I've realized where my heart is."
-Inspired by GYC theme: Let go and Let God
New summer love.
But I wouldn't consider it lovee, just knowing that. God will always have something in store for me. I don't have to go guy hunting. Maybe just to see if they can take it as a challenge (x Bbutttt, hey, I'm glad to have actually started conversating! And hopefully, I'll be able to kepe in touch with so many others, I don't want to make the same mistakes as last summer. Like no joke, it was all bad. I can't believe I didn't realize that I've hurt so many including myself. Soo selfish.
I really need to keep things on the downlow from now on. Too much blabbin about chizmiz (x!
Should I go to bonfire today at twin lake? lol
Good middle locker at the Senior/Freshman Quad. Also I'm next to Amanda! I don't care how dirty my locker looks. But, I'll cover it up with stickers! haha. Inside is clean! I put 2 binders in there, about to put more later hah! Yepp!
Schedule seems right, cept the fact that I have Maestas 1st period. And Chemistry first period? D: Oh wells. It's cool. I don't mind having to study at Starbucks lol. Just kiddin.
And Calc 6th period? yeeee. It's k hah.
I'm actually excited for JR. year. cept the Kasama part hah.
Hm. Cute stuff happened. (: Glad we're friends. But I think I'm not being persistent! I really want GYC bonfire to come(: AND Tsunami! Lol. Just kidd.
I don't know what's been up man. Everything's changing, and it's drawing me to be adapted to it. But, busy as always, I'll manage to keep up with people(: Ahah, driving second semester ;D! YEEUH. Hah.
Summer loss, summer loves.
It's alright. I wouldn't want to say, thanks for the experience, I would want to say "Thanks for the inspiring and compassionate memories of my life. It was nice to see that patience is key. But I've realized where my heart is."
-Inspired by GYC theme: Let go and Let God
New summer love.
But I wouldn't consider it lovee, just knowing that. God will always have something in store for me. I don't have to go guy hunting. Maybe just to see if they can take it as a challenge (x Bbutttt, hey, I'm glad to have actually started conversating! And hopefully, I'll be able to kepe in touch with so many others, I don't want to make the same mistakes as last summer. Like no joke, it was all bad. I can't believe I didn't realize that I've hurt so many including myself. Soo selfish.
I really need to keep things on the downlow from now on. Too much blabbin about chizmiz (x!
Should I go to bonfire today at twin lake? lol
Tuesday, August 18, 2009
'Don't live it playing safe'
^^Got it from PMae's blog.
Live by it.
You know, I really think, the best people to meet are people who worked hard and let go of old habits. It shows how strong they've become in their faith. Now, I'm not talking religious, I'm talking in general. When was the last time you were so proud of letting go? What I mean by letting go is, letting go the past mistakes. Decisions, steps you took that lead you into the wrong path. And YOU KNEW it was bad, but when you've realized what you've done, you lost comfort and all hope. But for some people, they've learned to get back up. Knowing you have a lot ahead of your life that you never expected coming.
I blog, for what reason? Because, in journals, blogs, diaries, whatever; I can learn to be myself, and to express the feelings that I've felt towards myself, and others. It's not just a guide for my life to look back upon, it's a lesson. A reflection of who I was to who I am now.
This morning, I stayed up again until 3am chatting with a friend, who I wouldn't have expected to just sit and chat with him. He has a good heart. Made mistakes in life, took things for advantage. But he know's that all is forgiven, and that there are so much more things he could commit to other than being under the influence. To be honest, I've never been there, I've never met someone who has gone through so much, so much compiled when he confessed, but really it wasn't ok for me to be discussing it with him. He said he was comfortable with me telling me this. But what I didn't expect from myself was that, I didn't feel comfortable. Looking at the words he texted, it urged me to help. I've given him so much of what I could think of, for him to prevent from doing it again. It's not cause he did it before, I just don't want him to go through it again. I met a friend, or I wouldn't even consider him as a friend since we don't talk anymore. He was a great guy I was comfortable talking to him. Until he told me he smokes more than drinking. The thing is, I'm ok with drunk people, it gets to the head, and mind. But smoking, gets into the head, and the heart. Temptations will come, that is why we all need to be prepared. To fill our minds with eager thoughts so that we're able to refuse an invitation to the unforgiven past.
I know we'll become great friends.
We all share the same sorrows, and when you think of it, it brings people together, to help each other to love eachother to tell them that people are given second chance, that people can be forgiven.
Live by it.
You know, I really think, the best people to meet are people who worked hard and let go of old habits. It shows how strong they've become in their faith. Now, I'm not talking religious, I'm talking in general. When was the last time you were so proud of letting go? What I mean by letting go is, letting go the past mistakes. Decisions, steps you took that lead you into the wrong path. And YOU KNEW it was bad, but when you've realized what you've done, you lost comfort and all hope. But for some people, they've learned to get back up. Knowing you have a lot ahead of your life that you never expected coming.
I blog, for what reason? Because, in journals, blogs, diaries, whatever; I can learn to be myself, and to express the feelings that I've felt towards myself, and others. It's not just a guide for my life to look back upon, it's a lesson. A reflection of who I was to who I am now.
This morning, I stayed up again until 3am chatting with a friend, who I wouldn't have expected to just sit and chat with him. He has a good heart. Made mistakes in life, took things for advantage. But he know's that all is forgiven, and that there are so much more things he could commit to other than being under the influence. To be honest, I've never been there, I've never met someone who has gone through so much, so much compiled when he confessed, but really it wasn't ok for me to be discussing it with him. He said he was comfortable with me telling me this. But what I didn't expect from myself was that, I didn't feel comfortable. Looking at the words he texted, it urged me to help. I've given him so much of what I could think of, for him to prevent from doing it again. It's not cause he did it before, I just don't want him to go through it again. I met a friend, or I wouldn't even consider him as a friend since we don't talk anymore. He was a great guy I was comfortable talking to him. Until he told me he smokes more than drinking. The thing is, I'm ok with drunk people, it gets to the head, and mind. But smoking, gets into the head, and the heart. Temptations will come, that is why we all need to be prepared. To fill our minds with eager thoughts so that we're able to refuse an invitation to the unforgiven past.
I know we'll become great friends.
We all share the same sorrows, and when you think of it, it brings people together, to help each other to love eachother to tell them that people are given second chance, that people can be forgiven.
Monday, August 17, 2009
thoughts.
Graphic Designers
Maybe this might be my career. I enjoy photoshop and everything.Here's a description of Graphic Design.
If you’re fascinated by the differences between the fonts Times New Roman and Geneva -- or simply enjoy arranging photos on a page -- you may have a future in graphic design. One of the most practical paths for artsy people, graphic design requires not only a good eye, but an ability to use the computer as a tool for achieving your vision.
Then maybe, I can't take it to the next level as an Art Director?
Silly boyy.
Auto Response from j0veyhere
'what kept me from sleepin' (3:42:51 AM): Night aimm me tomrrw
jjk ttyl.
^^^
Haha, I was heckkaaa sleepy mann! I slept for 4 hours today. Denng, it felt good. I woke up really hot, so I took a cold shower and then I ate Halohalo(=! So yea, not really talking to him. Tryna save it for tonight hahah
His Aim Stats says:
Reaading assignment ova tha sumr, bug me at 3am again jkk bbl
Top 5, fine, i'll play along!
Top 5.
CJay made this up, as he claimed.
Top 5 - Who is your top 5 girls(if you're a boy) guys(if you're a girl) from GFFC/GYCamp?
So, I didn't know what this was all about until I heard it from Nicole, Ashley, and Jezz. Weird huh? They asked me, I really straight up said, "I have no clue what you mean." So, I guess I'll say who my top 5 are, not in order, and why.
Josh-
ohk, Josh. Because he was like a cool guy in our team. He had great leadership, including Kristine. And I admired that! Plus, he's pretty hilarious at times. And friendly(: His testimony also inspired me, and filled me with thoughts about the things that I've been missing out on, with friends, family and God. Good acting for the skit too(:
Paolo-
Cause he can sing(: I never really got to know him before, but I know we play it off in basketball. Shot over him! Thaaas wassup Hah.
Markeezy-
Cause, hey, he's the funny guy, he gets people to talk, & playing Ninja was hilarious. And his creative ideas, to bring up dope beats but good music yknow?
Henry-
Well, GURPS, although you took it too far with the DEEENNNG, and MY BAAD, you're still a pretty chill guy. It was nice to see that you're enthusiastic about a whole lot of other things and getting all excited and what not.
CJay-
Well, I wouldn't really consider this guy as my top 5 since we barely talked. But it was nice to share a tiny small talk ahha. And I would remember that weird moment where we were laughing at the 'Cool boyz' trying to light the candle from the bonfire. Hahh, chizmiz
CJay made this up, as he claimed.
Top 5 - Who is your top 5 girls(if you're a boy) guys(if you're a girl) from GFFC/GYCamp?
So, I didn't know what this was all about until I heard it from Nicole, Ashley, and Jezz. Weird huh? They asked me, I really straight up said, "I have no clue what you mean." So, I guess I'll say who my top 5 are, not in order, and why.
Josh-
ohk, Josh. Because he was like a cool guy in our team. He had great leadership, including Kristine. And I admired that! Plus, he's pretty hilarious at times. And friendly(: His testimony also inspired me, and filled me with thoughts about the things that I've been missing out on, with friends, family and God. Good acting for the skit too(:
Paolo-
Cause he can sing(: I never really got to know him before, but I know we play it off in basketball. Shot over him! Thaaas wassup Hah.
Markeezy-
Cause, hey, he's the funny guy, he gets people to talk, & playing Ninja was hilarious. And his creative ideas, to bring up dope beats but good music yknow?
Henry-
Well, GURPS, although you took it too far with the DEEENNNG, and MY BAAD, you're still a pretty chill guy. It was nice to see that you're enthusiastic about a whole lot of other things and getting all excited and what not.
CJay-
Well, I wouldn't really consider this guy as my top 5 since we barely talked. But it was nice to share a tiny small talk ahha. And I would remember that weird moment where we were laughing at the 'Cool boyz' trying to light the candle from the bonfire. Hahh, chizmiz
Tell me something I dont know.
Ohk, people are getting too personal. And that makes me mad. I'm done with this.
it's a good thing, that i'm keeping myself busy. i really need som me time. No joke. If I can't be satisfied, how can I be comfortable?
you buttt,
(12:09:51 AM) : Hahah aww u rember(12:09:56 AM) : That's cute
We went on and onnn about random things and played 20 questions.
Am I getting too attached? I don't want anything happening.
(3:27:27 AM) : Ever had a bf?
it's a good thing, that i'm keeping myself busy. i really need som me time. No joke. If I can't be satisfied, how can I be comfortable?
you buttt,
j0veyhere (12:09:33 AM) : OH, so i'm not a cell phone kind of person, but at church I saw Janine's phone and she told me it was a sidekick, i just remembered that you had one haha
Am I getting too attached? I don't want anything happening.
How much of this is going to last?
I think I'm getting sick, in some sort of various ways.
I'm getting sick of old, bad habits, and new habits.
I don't know. Am I not satisfied?
I know it's common to stir up small feelings inside
but really, do I really need this?
I've been praising, worshiping my God, our God
I love Him so much to give me people to love
and to be loved back by them
But no matter the circumstances,
I always fail him.
We're talking, and I'm glad we're talking.
But when I hear a story about a guy who says
"I pray that we won't be attached, and I'd like to stay best friends like this",
then in makes me want to back off,
and I want to back off everyone's personal space.
It's not that I'm ready for relationships
It's about God.
If I can't please my God
what is there to do with infatuation?
So, what am I supposed to do?
Avoid the situation?
I really enjoy talking to this guy
and hopefully, I'm praying
he may not be the one.
i watch movies, tv shows
i've got to wait
i can't base my feelings on this guy
just because we can keep up good conversations.
i don't want to make the same mistakes.
AGAIN.
What is up with me?
I meet great guys, having unlimited chats about whatever in the world I want to talk about. But why is it so hard for me to accept that I'm never ready for a relationship?
SEE? I'm sick of even mentioning the word!
I've been going to girl's ministry
been talking to girls outside of the ministry
and i don't know who to follow
i'm getting different messages.
Everything is so confusing. I needa chill. Arright.
it's ok, when school starts, i wont have time for people,
therefore, i wont have time for BOYS.
because if boys are stupid and we get confused in our own little girl's world, we're stupid, thus making us all stupid, because no one will understand the concept between the mind functions of gender.
I'm getting sick of old, bad habits, and new habits.
I don't know. Am I not satisfied?
I know it's common to stir up small feelings inside
but really, do I really need this?
I've been praising, worshiping my God, our God
I love Him so much to give me people to love
and to be loved back by them
But no matter the circumstances,
I always fail him.
We're talking, and I'm glad we're talking.
But when I hear a story about a guy who says
"I pray that we won't be attached, and I'd like to stay best friends like this",
then in makes me want to back off,
and I want to back off everyone's personal space.
It's not that I'm ready for relationships
It's about God.
If I can't please my God
what is there to do with infatuation?
So, what am I supposed to do?
Avoid the situation?
I really enjoy talking to this guy
and hopefully, I'm praying
he may not be the one.
i watch movies, tv shows
i've got to wait
i can't base my feelings on this guy
just because we can keep up good conversations.
i don't want to make the same mistakes.
AGAIN.
What is up with me?
I meet great guys, having unlimited chats about whatever in the world I want to talk about. But why is it so hard for me to accept that I'm never ready for a relationship?
SEE? I'm sick of even mentioning the word!
I've been going to girl's ministry
been talking to girls outside of the ministry
and i don't know who to follow
i'm getting different messages.
Everything is so confusing. I needa chill. Arright.
it's ok, when school starts, i wont have time for people,
therefore, i wont have time for BOYS.
because if boys are stupid and we get confused in our own little girl's world, we're stupid, thus making us all stupid, because no one will understand the concept between the mind functions of gender.
Saturday, August 15, 2009
Since he doesn't have a blogger,
but this is just a friendly blog. Don't judge me. Haha.
So, I know I've never spoken to this guy last year at camp, but hey, I'm glad we had at least small talk this year. hah, I remember we bumped into kuya Les and Kuya Jon on our way to camp. So we all chilled at the nearest jackinthebox/tacobell/mcdonalds. Met up with Kristine as I got out of the car, how I missed her! She's like an Ate who talks to me(: So yea. Lol, I followed her to Mcdonalds, I felt wayy too tall when I went with her sisters too hah. So at Mcdonalds, I passed by him said hi. That was it, waited for a longggg time for Kristine to get out of the bathroom. Then sat with the Piano's. Teheee(: They all look alike! it's soo cute! Anywaysss, that was part un. Part dos was when I guess when we started playing ninja in the middle of the courts and like the whole camp was all looking at us. They kept telling me to join in, but I was soo nervous cause dude, 30+ were watching.. HOW SCARRYY. I was the only girrrl too)= Then ninja again hah. And sometimes, I would think at the cafeteria, he moved his chair on the other table to face me, but I don't know. Since he use to face the other way. Weird. He would come by our table too. But he wouldn't look at me. I wouldn't think so. Then it was basketball, first time playing w/ old school and new school! I shot over Paolo and I guess that made an impression on a lot of people. Plus I think after the relay I got to play bball after, and he played with me, but I eventually grew tired so I stopped haha. That was part dos. 3 is when it was bonfire. Weird, I sat behind him. And I had a feeling he was glancing from the corner of his eyes at me. I swear, when people stood around he was secluded I don't know why, for a while. And I just looked at him from behind (i guess diagonally) But it was ohk when people just started talking so loud out of nowhere. But weird. Hah. And when they announced that it was jericho's and hazel's beleated birthday, dude, I don't know, there was something that was drawn between us, a awkward fine line. I was just fixing the stuff in my bag and i see everyone crowding the cake. Then I see him walking slowly to the crowd just as I was doing. Then for some reason, we both walked slowly at the same time getting closer to the crowd trying to see if the fire was lit on the candles. We stayed quiet for a while. Then, we see the 'coolboyz' trying to light the candle using the bonfire, but it was too hot. We both kept laughing, like literally laughing and looking back at eachother. He then asked me, "You think I should get the lighter from upstairs?" & I said, "I think they got it." He was so doubtful. Lol. Then they finally got the fire going, and then we all started to sing happy birthday song and laughed a little. HE HECKA COPIED ME WHEN I STOLE THE RICE KRISPIES! DENNNG. loserrr. ohk whatever. So after the little fun stuff, a different kristine gave me PJ's phone and it was Mark! Oh man I've never spoken to Mark for 2 whole hours and constantly just chitchatting. It's cool(: He said we shoulda started talking wayyy back! We're like best friends now! Haha, I help him with girl problems. Lol. So I hecka sat soo far away from everyone but still around the bonfire, and like people kept flashing their flashlights at me, and i would just turn around. He was there, like I can see him through the flames. He would sometimes talk to this girl, wont mention name. And I could see that either they're looking at me through the fire and talking about me or just talking and looking at the fire. So whatever I continued on with the phone call. I turn around again and like, I see him, just him now. Then he walks back upstairs into the game room. Sucks, cause I think I made a fool of myself 3x in front of him. Thhhheeenn, it was around4 or 5am and we had to leave, so he said, "cmon you guys Chizmiz timee" And i asked him if that meant cheezmees lol he said yea. Funny, weird connection. It's common, but nothing will happen between us.
He's not fit, but there are just some cute stuff that happened. Even though he's a Christian, his pictures don't show it. Drinking, and all that. Just a train of thought outside of his religious life.
So, I know I've never spoken to this guy last year at camp, but hey, I'm glad we had at least small talk this year. hah, I remember we bumped into kuya Les and Kuya Jon on our way to camp. So we all chilled at the nearest jackinthebox/tacobell/mcdonalds. Met up with Kristine as I got out of the car, how I missed her! She's like an Ate who talks to me(: So yea. Lol, I followed her to Mcdonalds, I felt wayy too tall when I went with her sisters too hah. So at Mcdonalds, I passed by him said hi. That was it, waited for a longggg time for Kristine to get out of the bathroom. Then sat with the Piano's. Teheee(: They all look alike! it's soo cute! Anywaysss, that was part un. Part dos was when I guess when we started playing ninja in the middle of the courts and like the whole camp was all looking at us. They kept telling me to join in, but I was soo nervous cause dude, 30+ were watching.. HOW SCARRYY. I was the only girrrl too)= Then ninja again hah. And sometimes, I would think at the cafeteria, he moved his chair on the other table to face me, but I don't know. Since he use to face the other way. Weird. He would come by our table too. But he wouldn't look at me. I wouldn't think so. Then it was basketball, first time playing w/ old school and new school! I shot over Paolo and I guess that made an impression on a lot of people. Plus I think after the relay I got to play bball after, and he played with me, but I eventually grew tired so I stopped haha. That was part dos. 3 is when it was bonfire. Weird, I sat behind him. And I had a feeling he was glancing from the corner of his eyes at me. I swear, when people stood around he was secluded I don't know why, for a while. And I just looked at him from behind (i guess diagonally) But it was ohk when people just started talking so loud out of nowhere. But weird. Hah. And when they announced that it was jericho's and hazel's beleated birthday, dude, I don't know, there was something that was drawn between us, a awkward fine line. I was just fixing the stuff in my bag and i see everyone crowding the cake. Then I see him walking slowly to the crowd just as I was doing. Then for some reason, we both walked slowly at the same time getting closer to the crowd trying to see if the fire was lit on the candles. We stayed quiet for a while. Then, we see the 'coolboyz' trying to light the candle using the bonfire, but it was too hot. We both kept laughing, like literally laughing and looking back at eachother. He then asked me, "You think I should get the lighter from upstairs?" & I said, "I think they got it." He was so doubtful. Lol. Then they finally got the fire going, and then we all started to sing happy birthday song and laughed a little. HE HECKA COPIED ME WHEN I STOLE THE RICE KRISPIES! DENNNG. loserrr. ohk whatever. So after the little fun stuff, a different kristine gave me PJ's phone and it was Mark! Oh man I've never spoken to Mark for 2 whole hours and constantly just chitchatting. It's cool(: He said we shoulda started talking wayyy back! We're like best friends now! Haha, I help him with girl problems. Lol. So I hecka sat soo far away from everyone but still around the bonfire, and like people kept flashing their flashlights at me, and i would just turn around. He was there, like I can see him through the flames. He would sometimes talk to this girl, wont mention name. And I could see that either they're looking at me through the fire and talking about me or just talking and looking at the fire. So whatever I continued on with the phone call. I turn around again and like, I see him, just him now. Then he walks back upstairs into the game room. Sucks, cause I think I made a fool of myself 3x in front of him. Thhhheeenn, it was around4 or 5am and we had to leave, so he said, "cmon you guys Chizmiz timee" And i asked him if that meant cheezmees lol he said yea. Funny, weird connection. It's common, but nothing will happen between us.
He's not fit, but there are just some cute stuff that happened. Even though he's a Christian, his pictures don't show it. Drinking, and all that. Just a train of thought outside of his religious life.
OH mannn, first starwars, now DBZ?
imurderpotatoes (7:05:13 PM) : hi
j0veyhere (7:05:21 PM) : SUPP
j0veyhere (7:05:24 PM) : im sooo friggen bored
j0veyhere (7:05:32 PM) : but it's ohk, today is slack off day
imurderpotatoes (7:05:43 PM) : what'd you do all day
j0veyhere (7:07:32 PM) : watch movies online
imurderpotatoes (7:07:50 PM) : sonuds like
imurderpotatoes (7:07:53 PM) : 80 percent of my summer
j0veyhere (7:09:42 PM) : LOL
imurderpotatoes (7:09:49 PM) : i stay home
imurderpotatoes (7:09:51 PM) : infront of my laptop
imurderpotatoes (7:09:52 PM) : all day
imurderpotatoes (7:09:53 PM) : everyday
imurderpotatoes (7:09:55 PM) : nonstop
j0veyhere (7:10:11 PM) : sounds like
j0veyhere (7:10:13 PM) : my brother
imurderpotatoes (7:12:09 PM) : i have no where
imurderpotatoes (7:12:10 PM) : to go out
imurderpotatoes (7:12:15 PM) : no one to go out with
imurderpotatoes (7:12:28 PM) : i have no life
imurderpotatoes (7:12:29 PM) : at all
imurderpotatoes (7:14:23 PM) : i have gotten so bored, i've started rewatching dragon ball z
j0veyhere (7:15:36 PM) : i can see..
j0veyhere (7:15:39 PM) : from your tumblr hah!
j0veyhere (7:15:45 PM) : denng, go buy some books
imurderpotatoes (7:15:55 PM) : i was at tj maxx
imurderpotatoes (7:16:04 PM) : and i saw twilight
imurderpotatoes (7:16:06 PM) : and read 5 pages
imurderpotatoes (7:16:10 PM) : and i put it down
imurderpotatoes (7:16:11 PM) : and walked away
j0veyhere (7:19:44 PM) : XD
j0veyhere (7:19:45 PM) : NIce
j0veyhere (7:19:48 PM) : i woudl do the same
j0veyhere (7:19:54 PM) : ppl are too obsessed with tha
imurderpotatoes (7:19:59 PM) : because of that novel
imurderpotatoes (7:20:02 PM) : i have no chance with girls
imurderpotatoes (7:20:03 PM) : because 1
imurderpotatoes (7:20:04 PM) : i'm not hot
imurderpotatoes (7:20:05 PM) : and 2
imurderpotatoes (7:20:08 PM) : i'm not a vampire
j0veyhere (7:20:33 PM) : greaaaat lol
imurderpotatoes (7:20:40 PM) : i can't compete with vampires
imurderpotatoes (7:20:42 PM) : :\
j0veyhere (7:23:50 PM) : yea
j0veyhere (7:24:09 PM) : apparently the new type of guys are fiction
imurderpotatoes (7:24:20 PM) : yeah
imurderpotatoes (7:25:30 PM) : fucking twilight :\
j0veyhere (7:26:04 PM) : yea, and eyes that don't match with the whole world
imurderpotatoes (7:26:11 PM) : whatnow
j0veyhere (7:27:21 PM) : you mean what's next? —that, I don't know
j0veyhere (7:28:01 PM) : BUUUUT, let's just hope it wont be something like bruno
imurderpotatoes (7:28:11 PM) : i never saw bruno
j0veyhere (7:28:17 PM) : neither have i
j0veyhere (7:28:21 PM) : but its disgusting
imurderpotatoes (7:28:34 PM) : i heard you see penis
imurderpotatoes (7:28:43 PM) : i'm not too fond of seeing penis
j0veyhere (7:28:55 PM) : welll...
j0veyhere (7:29:06 PM) : its not the penis
j0veyhere (7:29:10 PM) : its what the penis does.
j0veyhere (7:29:24 PM) : because if its just the penis, its just an image
j0veyhere (7:29:34 PM) : it's actions are just, disturbing.
j0veyhere (7:29:36 PM) : although
j0veyhere (7:29:41 PM) : i have not seen Bruno
imurderpotatoes (7:30:10 PM) : penis on penis action
j0veyhere (7:30:52 PM) : Now, that's just like extreme starwars action
j0veyhere (7:30:58 PM) : -_-agian, i have not seen the movie
imurderpotatoes (7:32:41 PM) : starwars action
imurderpotatoes (7:32:42 PM) : hahaha
imurderpotatoes (7:32:48 PM) : when i was little
imurderpotatoes (7:32:54 PM) : i used to go to my mirror
imurderpotatoes (7:32:59 PM) : and then concentrate really hard
imurderpotatoes (7:33:01 PM) : and start yelling
imurderpotatoes (7:33:03 PM) : going
imurderpotatoes (7:33:05 PM) : AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
imurderpotatoes (7:33:08 PM) : AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
imurderpotatoes (7:33:14 PM) : hoping that i would turn blonde
imurderpotatoes (7:33:26 PM) : and super powerful
j0veyhere (7:36:00 PM) : LMAOOOO
j0veyhere (7:36:03 PM) : THATS SO CUTE
imurderpotatoes (7:36:09 PM) : also
imurderpotatoes (7:36:12 PM) : when we were little
imurderpotatoes (7:36:13 PM) : my cousin and i
imurderpotatoes (7:36:17 PM) : used to do the fusion dance
imurderpotatoes (7:36:21 PM) : in hopes that we would combine
imurderpotatoes (7:36:24 PM) : and become
imurderpotatoes (7:36:26 PM) : jonafan
j0veyhere (7:36:44 PM) : wooooaaaa
j0veyhere (7:36:48 PM) : that's so funny
imurderpotatoes (7:36:53 PM) : i used to LOVE dragon ball z
j0veyhere (7:37:22 PM) : i can seee that all asians in the world did.
imurderpotatoes (7:37:27 PM) : yeah
imurderpotatoes (7:37:36 PM) : but i could've been a super saiyan jonafan
j0veyhere (7:38:52 PM) : By all means, stefan, it's impossible.
imurderpotatoes (7:39:15 PM) : NO
imurderpotatoes (7:39:16 PM) : DON'T
imurderpotatoes (7:39:20 PM) : RUIN
imurderpotatoes (7:39:20 PM) : M
imurderpotatoes (7:39:21 PM) : Y
imurderpotatoes (7:39:21 PM) : DREAMS
imurderpotatoes (7:39:33 PM) : my power level is OVER FUCKING 9000
j0veyhere (7:41:08 PM) : but the question, how did you get that power?... lol!
imurderpotatoes (7:41:18 PM) : i'm a super saiyan
j0veyhere (7:41:22 PM) : by what? looking constapated in front of the mirror?
j0veyhere (7:41:41 PM) : thus growing frustration? then ACNE? lol jk
imurderpotatoes (7:41:55 PM) : no
imurderpotatoes (7:41:59 PM) : super saiyans have flawless faces
imurderpotatoes (7:42:10 PM) : also
imurderpotatoes (7:42:15 PM) : i got blonde highlights
j0veyhere (7:42:16 PM) : so flawless they cant control?
imurderpotatoes (7:42:19 PM) : when i was in the 4th grade
imurderpotatoes (7:42:25 PM) : so i cuold look like a super saiyan
imurderpotatoes (7:42:43 PM) : as you can see, i was a pretty fly guy in my day
j0veyhere (7:42:48 PM) : great accomplishment you are now considered as a supersaiyan fraud
imurderpotatoes (7:42:56 PM) : YES!
j0veyhere (7:43:03 PM) : just kidding steff. bbl lol
imurderpotatoes (7:43:07 PM) : hooay
imurderpotatoes (7:43:08 PM) : hokay
Thursday, August 6, 2009
I wish
that my friends weren't so seperated.
And I'd like to consider having real friends.
One's I can trust
But it's hard to realize that, the friends I trust
are the friends I rarely see.
And if one best friend leaves
what is there to do?
I need to find my inner peace
lately, it's been about the internet
and i can't stop.
Life's getting the worst out of me.
Inspired by the movie, "I love you, Man"
And I'd like to consider having real friends.
One's I can trust
But it's hard to realize that, the friends I trust
are the friends I rarely see.
And if one best friend leaves
what is there to do?
I need to find my inner peace
lately, it's been about the internet
and i can't stop.
Life's getting the worst out of me.
Inspired by the movie, "I love you, Man"
scattered character
What lies in the path of your eyes?
The things you try to hide
but deep down inside
you want to cry
Cry out your anger, your hate
trying to clear out your mind state
Or letting your feelings capitulate
taking your guts inside out
inside, you want to shout
screaming at the top of your lungs
upon this tall mount
tain
ten, i give you a ten
for lend,ing
a hand when i needed it
for always being here for me
you've been
there
but I have sinned
your love is what i want to win
And when
when did you know
what happened then
and now?
How,
were you able to know me?
Know that this life fitted me
and how things were to be?
now you take a bow
your final show is bound
to be your last
create in me a clean heart oh God
A clean heart with no
doubts no beats no counts
and take out
this horrible suffering
because you deserve everything
and nothing of me
I'm totally in a zone right now. I'm like out of my mind, and I'm sleepy. And I guess I thought of this, enjoy. Night and take care
of my past is worth offering
The things you try to hide
but deep down inside
you want to cry
Cry out your anger, your hate
trying to clear out your mind state
Or letting your feelings capitulate
taking your guts inside out
inside, you want to shout
screaming at the top of your lungs
upon this tall mount
tain
ten, i give you a ten
for lend,ing
a hand when i needed it
for always being here for me
you've been
there
but I have sinned
your love is what i want to win
And when
when did you know
what happened then
and now?
How,
were you able to know me?
Know that this life fitted me
and how things were to be?
now you take a bow
your final show is bound
to be your last
create in me a clean heart oh God
A clean heart with no
doubts no beats no counts
and take out
this horrible suffering
because you deserve everything
and nothing of me
I'm totally in a zone right now. I'm like out of my mind, and I'm sleepy. And I guess I thought of this, enjoy. Night and take care
of my past is worth offering
Sunday, August 2, 2009
Saturday, August 1, 2009
Testimony
If you consider me a fake, a person who lies, a person that tells you it's going to be ohk when it's not, thinking that I take things for granted, then how are you going to tell me how to live my own life? It's not about you, it's not about me, it's about getting through life with God by your side.
BIBLE- Basic instructions before leaving earth. Don't say you know better than the Bible, because once you start reading in different areas of it, you'll feel numb and surprised.
What you're about to read is said truthfully. And just think, claiming someone I used to be has never changed, then recap on how things were, and how I'd like to make a difference. Not a difference in the world, in California, in school, but within myself and others. You may not even notice how I changed, but it's not about me remember. I love my God, and therefore, there shouldn't be anything against it. What this world need is acceptance.
If everyone just took the time to pay attention to everyone else and realize that we're not all alone.
My testimony begins as it was the first time I had to let go of something that I cherished the most and let God take care of things. It's not about slacking off, but being able to grow into a relationship with God. I know sometimes, the things that I say may not mean much because I know that there are other people out there who have it worse. It's like saying, if you can't even handle a breakup, you won't be able to handle a marriage. The way I think of it, is that you can get used to anything. Anger, selfishness, pride, even death. For our one on one, we were asked what our goal was. And truthfully, it was my anger towards my parents. Even though I may just be caught up in the moment when it's not even a debate between my parents and I. The things I wanted the most in life were of this world. And it says in Colossians 2:8- 8See to it that no one takes you captive through hollow and deceptive philosophy, which depends on human tradition and the basic principles of this world rather than on Christ. It's hard to get used to loving the things we love because of how society is. Society changes every year, every hour, every minute. We find new things, new creations and we tend to just become comfortable with it until we find something else that's more satisfying. But one thing that we are all aware of and tend to do it ourselves is to be obsessive, to be addicted to those things we love. I got used to being punished by my parents although I never caused any harm, but more of threat through the words I speak. It wouldn't matter if I got hit, it wouldn't matter if they wouldn't talk to me. Emotionally, I would cry in my room cry out my anger, not even mentioning God at the time. I find ways to avoid my parents, that's why most of my friends question why I'm so busy, and while my schedule is always tight every single day including weekends. I've been given talents and gifts, that I took advantage of them. I was so much into leadership in school, in sports, in clubs, but it was what I lacked in my youth group. I stood flawless, I would think I knew everything about the bible. Sometimes I skipped Friday night youth hour for things in school. But I wouldn't lie, I did have something to do. I was more in the things I loved to do at school than with the youth group. I fell in love with running ever since the 6th grade, and thinking that I had time for school, clubs, youth group, I never would have really thought that I could even have time for God. At every race, every run for practice, I would always pray in my mind, saying "Oh God, help me in this race, help me keep my endurance, give me the strength..." But it seemed like I was taking advantange of Him. As if I never really took the time to pray for at least 5 minutes and cry out to him. I had no peace inside of me, I was so filled up with all these activities, and school work. I mean really, how can you fix your schedule to make things flow the way you want it to? I always wanted to do something. Just keeping my mind going, keeping my life going, keeping everyone close. But I resented God, I resented my family. I had to make up lies for everyone to know that things were ohk. That it's no problem for me to go out and do the things I want to do. It's the things we want in life that slows the pace of our walk with God. Imagine following God on a hike, and you're on the side of the cliff, you know that you're thousands of feet high walking on the side of the cliff. You know that if you just keep your eyes on God everything will be ohk. But then again, you fear that you might stumble and fall. Keep your eyes wide and attentive for God because once that distraction becomes apparent, the steps that you were trying to follow will fade away. And you would have to start all the way down from the bottom of the cliff. Our fire needs to light up, and stay burning for God. Yesterday we just had youth hour, and felt good to have everyone there. We had prayer requests, and Ashley requested that we have our fire burning since camp ended. And I remember talking about that in Kuya Tino's car with Ivy and Erika, but I think she was still asleep. Ivy and I talked about how we're coming home to our families, how we're coming back to the old habits we had before we left camp and our APEnglish homework that we had to finish in order to be in that class. I remember then, listening to my brothers' voice, my parents. How would they react to the way I've been acting at home? Theres a difference that comes from within ourselves and our actions. If people are going to start judging us, questioning us, don't take it seriously. Just remember what you learned. And if they resent you, it's ohk to talk it out with God. I've been able to start a personal devotion every morning and hopefully my fire will not die out. I'm willing to accept people the way they are. I'm willing to accept the things they say that make them who they are. But if lying to my face is the result of that friendship, then how am I supposed to repay your loyalty? Standing tall, looking like you have everything in the world that can beat the things I have. What is this? There's no battle, there's no race. If it's a race, then how can you be ahead of life without God? Keep your word, keep your promise, keep some things to yourself. High school turned my world around. I was accused of being the girl who had all the guys. But was it wrong to share things that I was interested in? In games, in fun, in God? Till then, I became a lone wolf. Trying to avoid those things that showed others misunderstanding. I was young, I knew nothing of seeking help. I kept quiet. Till I finally realized it's not my fault. I didn't meant to do anything. So it came to the point where I kept myself busy, Sophomore year. I did sports, I took hard classes, I did clubs, I did outside community clubs. I ignored the people who dissed me, who disrespected me. I was the one who spiritually was in the corner of the hallway crying to myself. My friends questioned me, "Why are you hanging out over here? You should be hanging out at the Freshmen quad, the Senior quad." We were all distant. I couldn't understand why we're all friends, yet we are seperated because of what other friends might think of us. I normally don't stay in one place, I like to meet new people, be able to make relationships because that's how I was. It's been this way for a while. I didn't care who was talking behind my back, I just thought to myself, "So what, makes them look like a fool for saying it as if I don't even know." And time was what I needed. I needed time for this person, for these people, for my family, for God. My schedule was like a knot. Carrying all these burdens was a pain. That's how I felt, I felt that people were blaming things on me. And of course, I was stressing, my back ached, I couldn't sleep at times, I yelled, I did everything and what I got was nothing in return. Camp was a great relief. I loved it. Even though I may have not made as much friends, I was able to use my talents, my gifts, and walk with God through the whole 4 days. And do we normally walk with God every step of everyday? No. That is why camp, the people in camp, the counselors, the pastors, they guided my steps to lead my way to Jesus. I couldn't thank them enough for making me feel like I belonged. Especially Jezz. I've probably known this guy from elementary, but he was my brother, Nathaniel's best friend. Knowing that he was a friend from school made me feel that you can't just find a christian friend in youth hour or church you know? They're all around us. Jezz told me things are easier when you have Christian friends. And of course everyone in camp felt that way. The way we were never left out. And I loved how yellow team's counselor said some things about us. How we were consistend and didn't leave anyone out. When we made the flag for flag presentation, most of the team depended on me to make it, but Ashley Mora already had an idea, I wasn't bummed or anything. I was actually relieved that I didn't have to do as much work as I thought. It gave Ashley the opportunity to open herself and express her own talents y'know? Especially Mark. Even though he couldn't make it, he was still in the team spiritually. And the night we all called him during bonfire. He was glad that we called too. Thanks to Kuya PJ for the call haha. It felt good to know that we stuck together during free time, after dinner, and in the morning devotion. I devoted my time, the time I had to give up. The time that Jesus has given me. I knew that time for him was to be given because I never really considered his patience. Raising my arms up high during worship, night worship felt good. Just closing my eyes, standing in the back, praising Him. Dancing with people who were comfortable around me. Which were Kuya Don and Rae. It was an awesome feeling, you had to be there. During the altar call, I saw people, going to the counselors, crying out to them, listening to prayers, cries, and help. People, not being able to stand up from their chairs, crying desperately within themselves. I took people up to the counselors, because I can feel that they needed someone. They needed to open up. I comforted the people next to me who were in reach. I couldn't even cry. How can you watch people that cry all around you? I got so used to crying at home, crying in anger, that I had no reason to cry. I had no reason to show meaningless emotion. But as soon as everyone was done crying, I began to cry. And CRYING is not, small tears that just come out. It's screaming at the top of your lungs, crying for joy, crying because you love God. Kuya PJ held me and prayed for me. I felt that I connected with his lifestory. I tried to wipe my tears, but as his comfort became known I began crying even more. I didn't care if everyone passed by me, if they were looking. I know who I was, I know who Jesus is. And if anyone questions me, I wouldn't be able give an answer, it's something I learned to live on, and if religion can't get the best out of you, how are you able to fear God? There's so much more I could write, but it wouldn't be enough for you to understand how much is going on. But being able to open up like that was something I needed. And I'm still going to worship Him, no matter what the cost because, He has so much planned for me. If waiting for you took a year, without even saying I love, we knew things would've been great, but I wasn't ready for that relationship, and that's when God was there for me. Jesus took me in, telling me that He loves me, in spirit and in truth. From now on, let's live to the fullest, ohk? I loved you, I loved you ever since, but you know that my love is from God. Take a good look at how much I wrote. And understand that not only did you change my life and realize that patience was key in our relationship, you've also opened up my eyes, and I hope I did the same for you. Hope things worked out for the best of you. Take grasp of the things you love, but learn to let go, and let God.
BIBLE- Basic instructions before leaving earth. Don't say you know better than the Bible, because once you start reading in different areas of it, you'll feel numb and surprised.
What you're about to read is said truthfully. And just think, claiming someone I used to be has never changed, then recap on how things were, and how I'd like to make a difference. Not a difference in the world, in California, in school, but within myself and others. You may not even notice how I changed, but it's not about me remember. I love my God, and therefore, there shouldn't be anything against it. What this world need is acceptance.
If everyone just took the time to pay attention to everyone else and realize that we're not all alone.
My testimony begins as it was the first time I had to let go of something that I cherished the most and let God take care of things. It's not about slacking off, but being able to grow into a relationship with God. I know sometimes, the things that I say may not mean much because I know that there are other people out there who have it worse. It's like saying, if you can't even handle a breakup, you won't be able to handle a marriage. The way I think of it, is that you can get used to anything. Anger, selfishness, pride, even death. For our one on one, we were asked what our goal was. And truthfully, it was my anger towards my parents. Even though I may just be caught up in the moment when it's not even a debate between my parents and I. The things I wanted the most in life were of this world. And it says in Colossians 2:8- 8See to it that no one takes you captive through hollow and deceptive philosophy, which depends on human tradition and the basic principles of this world rather than on Christ. It's hard to get used to loving the things we love because of how society is. Society changes every year, every hour, every minute. We find new things, new creations and we tend to just become comfortable with it until we find something else that's more satisfying. But one thing that we are all aware of and tend to do it ourselves is to be obsessive, to be addicted to those things we love. I got used to being punished by my parents although I never caused any harm, but more of threat through the words I speak. It wouldn't matter if I got hit, it wouldn't matter if they wouldn't talk to me. Emotionally, I would cry in my room cry out my anger, not even mentioning God at the time. I find ways to avoid my parents, that's why most of my friends question why I'm so busy, and while my schedule is always tight every single day including weekends. I've been given talents and gifts, that I took advantage of them. I was so much into leadership in school, in sports, in clubs, but it was what I lacked in my youth group. I stood flawless, I would think I knew everything about the bible. Sometimes I skipped Friday night youth hour for things in school. But I wouldn't lie, I did have something to do. I was more in the things I loved to do at school than with the youth group. I fell in love with running ever since the 6th grade, and thinking that I had time for school, clubs, youth group, I never would have really thought that I could even have time for God. At every race, every run for practice, I would always pray in my mind, saying "Oh God, help me in this race, help me keep my endurance, give me the strength..." But it seemed like I was taking advantange of Him. As if I never really took the time to pray for at least 5 minutes and cry out to him. I had no peace inside of me, I was so filled up with all these activities, and school work. I mean really, how can you fix your schedule to make things flow the way you want it to? I always wanted to do something. Just keeping my mind going, keeping my life going, keeping everyone close. But I resented God, I resented my family. I had to make up lies for everyone to know that things were ohk. That it's no problem for me to go out and do the things I want to do. It's the things we want in life that slows the pace of our walk with God. Imagine following God on a hike, and you're on the side of the cliff, you know that you're thousands of feet high walking on the side of the cliff. You know that if you just keep your eyes on God everything will be ohk. But then again, you fear that you might stumble and fall. Keep your eyes wide and attentive for God because once that distraction becomes apparent, the steps that you were trying to follow will fade away. And you would have to start all the way down from the bottom of the cliff. Our fire needs to light up, and stay burning for God. Yesterday we just had youth hour, and felt good to have everyone there. We had prayer requests, and Ashley requested that we have our fire burning since camp ended. And I remember talking about that in Kuya Tino's car with Ivy and Erika, but I think she was still asleep. Ivy and I talked about how we're coming home to our families, how we're coming back to the old habits we had before we left camp and our APEnglish homework that we had to finish in order to be in that class. I remember then, listening to my brothers' voice, my parents. How would they react to the way I've been acting at home? Theres a difference that comes from within ourselves and our actions. If people are going to start judging us, questioning us, don't take it seriously. Just remember what you learned. And if they resent you, it's ohk to talk it out with God. I've been able to start a personal devotion every morning and hopefully my fire will not die out. I'm willing to accept people the way they are. I'm willing to accept the things they say that make them who they are. But if lying to my face is the result of that friendship, then how am I supposed to repay your loyalty? Standing tall, looking like you have everything in the world that can beat the things I have. What is this? There's no battle, there's no race. If it's a race, then how can you be ahead of life without God? Keep your word, keep your promise, keep some things to yourself. High school turned my world around. I was accused of being the girl who had all the guys. But was it wrong to share things that I was interested in? In games, in fun, in God? Till then, I became a lone wolf. Trying to avoid those things that showed others misunderstanding. I was young, I knew nothing of seeking help. I kept quiet. Till I finally realized it's not my fault. I didn't meant to do anything. So it came to the point where I kept myself busy, Sophomore year. I did sports, I took hard classes, I did clubs, I did outside community clubs. I ignored the people who dissed me, who disrespected me. I was the one who spiritually was in the corner of the hallway crying to myself. My friends questioned me, "Why are you hanging out over here? You should be hanging out at the Freshmen quad, the Senior quad." We were all distant. I couldn't understand why we're all friends, yet we are seperated because of what other friends might think of us. I normally don't stay in one place, I like to meet new people, be able to make relationships because that's how I was. It's been this way for a while. I didn't care who was talking behind my back, I just thought to myself, "So what, makes them look like a fool for saying it as if I don't even know." And time was what I needed. I needed time for this person, for these people, for my family, for God. My schedule was like a knot. Carrying all these burdens was a pain. That's how I felt, I felt that people were blaming things on me. And of course, I was stressing, my back ached, I couldn't sleep at times, I yelled, I did everything and what I got was nothing in return. Camp was a great relief. I loved it. Even though I may have not made as much friends, I was able to use my talents, my gifts, and walk with God through the whole 4 days. And do we normally walk with God every step of everyday? No. That is why camp, the people in camp, the counselors, the pastors, they guided my steps to lead my way to Jesus. I couldn't thank them enough for making me feel like I belonged. Especially Jezz. I've probably known this guy from elementary, but he was my brother, Nathaniel's best friend. Knowing that he was a friend from school made me feel that you can't just find a christian friend in youth hour or church you know? They're all around us. Jezz told me things are easier when you have Christian friends. And of course everyone in camp felt that way. The way we were never left out. And I loved how yellow team's counselor said some things about us. How we were consistend and didn't leave anyone out. When we made the flag for flag presentation, most of the team depended on me to make it, but Ashley Mora already had an idea, I wasn't bummed or anything. I was actually relieved that I didn't have to do as much work as I thought. It gave Ashley the opportunity to open herself and express her own talents y'know? Especially Mark. Even though he couldn't make it, he was still in the team spiritually. And the night we all called him during bonfire. He was glad that we called too. Thanks to Kuya PJ for the call haha. It felt good to know that we stuck together during free time, after dinner, and in the morning devotion. I devoted my time, the time I had to give up. The time that Jesus has given me. I knew that time for him was to be given because I never really considered his patience. Raising my arms up high during worship, night worship felt good. Just closing my eyes, standing in the back, praising Him. Dancing with people who were comfortable around me. Which were Kuya Don and Rae. It was an awesome feeling, you had to be there. During the altar call, I saw people, going to the counselors, crying out to them, listening to prayers, cries, and help. People, not being able to stand up from their chairs, crying desperately within themselves. I took people up to the counselors, because I can feel that they needed someone. They needed to open up. I comforted the people next to me who were in reach. I couldn't even cry. How can you watch people that cry all around you? I got so used to crying at home, crying in anger, that I had no reason to cry. I had no reason to show meaningless emotion. But as soon as everyone was done crying, I began to cry. And CRYING is not, small tears that just come out. It's screaming at the top of your lungs, crying for joy, crying because you love God. Kuya PJ held me and prayed for me. I felt that I connected with his lifestory. I tried to wipe my tears, but as his comfort became known I began crying even more. I didn't care if everyone passed by me, if they were looking. I know who I was, I know who Jesus is. And if anyone questions me, I wouldn't be able give an answer, it's something I learned to live on, and if religion can't get the best out of you, how are you able to fear God? There's so much more I could write, but it wouldn't be enough for you to understand how much is going on. But being able to open up like that was something I needed. And I'm still going to worship Him, no matter what the cost because, He has so much planned for me. If waiting for you took a year, without even saying I love, we knew things would've been great, but I wasn't ready for that relationship, and that's when God was there for me. Jesus took me in, telling me that He loves me, in spirit and in truth. From now on, let's live to the fullest, ohk? I loved you, I loved you ever since, but you know that my love is from God. Take a good look at how much I wrote. And understand that not only did you change my life and realize that patience was key in our relationship, you've also opened up my eyes, and I hope I did the same for you. Hope things worked out for the best of you. Take grasp of the things you love, but learn to let go, and let God.
GYC
GENERATIONS YOUTH CAMP
Psalms 46:10
let go let God
Psalms 46:10
let go let God
I didn't really expect to win, to be picked on, to just go through the day with nothing to bring home. I wanted to bring home a righteous, cleansed, new me. Just me. I wanted to learn so much about Him. I needed to know that I'm safe with Him everywhere I go. I needed comfort and security. First day of camp, I was looking forward to acutally meeting everyone. I remember on the way, we found Kuya Les and Kuya Jon on the road. So we all chilled in different places. I went with the Piano fam, Kristine, Stacey, MaryAnn, and Ashley to McDonald's. Thought I'd get to know them a bit more since everyone dispersed in different areas. I was suprised I even went with them, when we barely talk. Oh how I hated drinking sweet tea on the way to camp, had to take so many restroom breaks. Well, sitting with the Piano family, behind us was Leslie, Novie and Cjay. Never really got to know them, but I was in the same team with Novie last year. It was nice chitchatting with them, so we headed over back to the car and we were on the road again to Heavenly Hills Christian camp. Camp for the first day was interesting. It was nice knowing that there were some familiar faces in our team. Kristine, Josh, Leslie, Ashley, Joshua, AshleyMora, Crishel, Ivy, Ateh Rio, Kuya PJ, Hazel, Henry & Mark, unfortunately Mark couldn't make it. It was a bit quiet between us during group devo, but the get-to-know-each-other methods that Kuya PJ gave us actually helped us. I remember, my first group was Joshua and Crishel, I remember meeting Joshua from Tsunami & how he would look over my shoulder peeking through my drawings haha. But you know, we all became comfortable around each other. Of course, we never left anyone out, in some of the conversations, the laughter, the fun times. Especially for Mark. Everything was going swell, but we were in desperate need of a name for our team. We kept thinking of something that's yellow, a banana peel, a sun, a thunder. Thunder souned so powerful and strong, but what was something we could fit next to it to correlate with the theme of camp? Birds, bolt, shock, STRIKE. How empowering. STRIKE, we strike the sins out of us with thunder. That ended up being our cheer for the cheer presentation on the second second day of camp. Step was our main thing. It was fun creating that Spokenword/skit/step talent show. We all can't wait till the videos come out. Although the skit wasn't as great, and the cheer wasn't as great, we were very consistent. Consistency is key, & that's how we won this year for GYC 09. Even though we weren't as great in some things, at least there were other things that balanced the other things out. The Bible Drill helped us a lot. Our team had about 6 or 7 people win their rounds, which was categorized by age. Our sign was great, our flag was great, we were all great. And not only did we grow through leadership, participation, and with other, we grew individually. And together all that spiritual power grew together all at once with one another. I enjoyed GYC this year, the people, the food, the personal/group devo's, morning/night worships, pastor's messages, etc. Pastor soy's message made people attentive. Comparing us to raccoons, how shiny things attract raccoons, and how things we cherish the most attracts us. Kuya JayJay's message about strength and courage, knowing that we must be able to meditate on God's word day and night. including his powerful testimony and sets of examples he offered. Pastor Rex's message, about the fruit of the spirit and what fills us through love and how there are things that comprise of what makes us a christian, what makes us who we are, and what kinds of things we go through. He explained a summary of some part of the Bible through rap and although I wasn't feelin the beat, and flow of speech, his message was the most important thing to pay our time for. And last but not least, Kuya Bryan's reviews of each message from each day, and encouraging words during the altar call. Even though we were all tired, and exhausted, we did our best to serve the Lord. We all took pictures, and everything, then headed to the restaurant. Man were we loud. But hey, it was our last day. So goodbye, Delano, Berryessa, Pittsburgh, Stockton. May God be with you and Bless you.
OH Pittsburgh, see you next Tuesday & Josh, happy Birthday on Sunday! Keep that trophy clean!
I'm going to write my testimony later.
OH Pittsburgh, see you next Tuesday & Josh, happy Birthday on Sunday! Keep that trophy clean!
I'm going to write my testimony later.
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