BIBLE- Basic instructions before leaving earth. Don't say you know better than the Bible, because once you start reading in different areas of it, you'll feel numb and surprised.
What you're about to read is said truthfully. And just think, claiming someone I used to be has never changed, then recap on how things were, and how I'd like to make a difference. Not a difference in the world, in California, in school, but within myself and others. You may not even notice how I changed, but it's not about me remember. I love my God, and therefore, there shouldn't be anything against it. What this world need is acceptance.
If everyone just took the time to pay attention to everyone else and realize that we're not all alone.
My testimony begins as it was the first time I had to let go of something that I cherished the most and let God take care of things. It's not about slacking off, but being able to grow into a relationship with God. I know sometimes, the things that I say may not mean much because I know that there are other people out there who have it worse. It's like saying, if you can't even handle a breakup, you won't be able to handle a marriage. The way I think of it, is that you can get used to anything. Anger, selfishness, pride, even death. For our one on one, we were asked what our goal was. And truthfully, it was my anger towards my parents. Even though I may just be caught up in the moment when it's not even a debate between my parents and I. The things I wanted the most in life were of this world. And it says in Colossians 2:8- 8See to it that no one takes you captive through hollow and deceptive philosophy, which depends on human tradition and the basic principles of this world rather than on Christ. It's hard to get used to loving the things we love because of how society is. Society changes every year, every hour, every minute. We find new things, new creations and we tend to just become comfortable with it until we find something else that's more satisfying. But one thing that we are all aware of and tend to do it ourselves is to be obsessive, to be addicted to those things we love. I got used to being punished by my parents although I never caused any harm, but more of threat through the words I speak. It wouldn't matter if I got hit, it wouldn't matter if they wouldn't talk to me. Emotionally, I would cry in my room cry out my anger, not even mentioning God at the time. I find ways to avoid my parents, that's why most of my friends question why I'm so busy, and while my schedule is always tight every single day including weekends. I've been given talents and gifts, that I took advantage of them. I was so much into leadership in school, in sports, in clubs, but it was what I lacked in my youth group. I stood flawless, I would think I knew everything about the bible. Sometimes I skipped Friday night youth hour for things in school. But I wouldn't lie, I did have something to do. I was more in the things I loved to do at school than with the youth group. I fell in love with running ever since the 6th grade, and thinking that I had time for school, clubs, youth group, I never would have really thought that I could even have time for God. At every race, every run for practice, I would always pray in my mind, saying "Oh God, help me in this race, help me keep my endurance, give me the strength..." But it seemed like I was taking advantange of Him. As if I never really took the time to pray for at least 5 minutes and cry out to him. I had no peace inside of me, I was so filled up with all these activities, and school work. I mean really, how can you fix your schedule to make things flow the way you want it to? I always wanted to do something. Just keeping my mind going, keeping my life going, keeping everyone close. But I resented God, I resented my family. I had to make up lies for everyone to know that things were ohk. That it's no problem for me to go out and do the things I want to do. It's the things we want in life that slows the pace of our walk with God. Imagine following God on a hike, and you're on the side of the cliff, you know that you're thousands of feet high walking on the side of the cliff. You know that if you just keep your eyes on God everything will be ohk. But then again, you fear that you might stumble and fall. Keep your eyes wide and attentive for God because once that distraction becomes apparent, the steps that you were trying to follow will fade away. And you would have to start all the way down from the bottom of the cliff. Our fire needs to light up, and stay burning for God. Yesterday we just had youth hour, and felt good to have everyone there. We had prayer requests, and Ashley requested that we have our fire burning since camp ended. And I remember talking about that in Kuya Tino's car with Ivy and Erika, but I think she was still asleep. Ivy and I talked about how we're coming home to our families, how we're coming back to the old habits we had before we left camp and our APEnglish homework that we had to finish in order to be in that class. I remember then, listening to my brothers' voice, my parents. How would they react to the way I've been acting at home? Theres a difference that comes from within ourselves and our actions. If people are going to start judging us, questioning us, don't take it seriously. Just remember what you learned. And if they resent you, it's ohk to talk it out with God. I've been able to start a personal devotion every morning and hopefully my fire will not die out. I'm willing to accept people the way they are. I'm willing to accept the things they say that make them who they are. But if lying to my face is the result of that friendship, then how am I supposed to repay your loyalty? Standing tall, looking like you have everything in the world that can beat the things I have. What is this? There's no battle, there's no race. If it's a race, then how can you be ahead of life without God? Keep your word, keep your promise, keep some things to yourself. High school turned my world around. I was accused of being the girl who had all the guys. But was it wrong to share things that I was interested in? In games, in fun, in God? Till then, I became a lone wolf. Trying to avoid those things that showed others misunderstanding. I was young, I knew nothing of seeking help. I kept quiet. Till I finally realized it's not my fault. I didn't meant to do anything. So it came to the point where I kept myself busy, Sophomore year. I did sports, I took hard classes, I did clubs, I did outside community clubs. I ignored the people who dissed me, who disrespected me. I was the one who spiritually was in the corner of the hallway crying to myself. My friends questioned me, "Why are you hanging out over here? You should be hanging out at the Freshmen quad, the Senior quad." We were all distant. I couldn't understand why we're all friends, yet we are seperated because of what other friends might think of us. I normally don't stay in one place, I like to meet new people, be able to make relationships because that's how I was. It's been this way for a while. I didn't care who was talking behind my back, I just thought to myself, "So what, makes them look like a fool for saying it as if I don't even know." And time was what I needed. I needed time for this person, for these people, for my family, for God. My schedule was like a knot. Carrying all these burdens was a pain. That's how I felt, I felt that people were blaming things on me. And of course, I was stressing, my back ached, I couldn't sleep at times, I yelled, I did everything and what I got was nothing in return. Camp was a great relief. I loved it. Even though I may have not made as much friends, I was able to use my talents, my gifts, and walk with God through the whole 4 days. And do we normally walk with God every step of everyday? No. That is why camp, the people in camp, the counselors, the pastors, they guided my steps to lead my way to Jesus. I couldn't thank them enough for making me feel like I belonged. Especially Jezz. I've probably known this guy from elementary, but he was my brother, Nathaniel's best friend. Knowing that he was a friend from school made me feel that you can't just find a christian friend in youth hour or church you know? They're all around us. Jezz told me things are easier when you have Christian friends. And of course everyone in camp felt that way. The way we were never left out. And I loved how yellow team's counselor said some things about us. How we were consistend and didn't leave anyone out. When we made the flag for flag presentation, most of the team depended on me to make it, but Ashley Mora already had an idea, I wasn't bummed or anything. I was actually relieved that I didn't have to do as much work as I thought. It gave Ashley the opportunity to open herself and express her own talents y'know? Especially Mark. Even though he couldn't make it, he was still in the team spiritually. And the night we all called him during bonfire. He was glad that we called too. Thanks to Kuya PJ for the call haha. It felt good to know that we stuck together during free time, after dinner, and in the morning devotion. I devoted my time, the time I had to give up. The time that Jesus has given me. I knew that time for him was to be given because I never really considered his patience. Raising my arms up high during worship, night worship felt good. Just closing my eyes, standing in the back, praising Him. Dancing with people who were comfortable around me. Which were Kuya Don and Rae. It was an awesome feeling, you had to be there. During the altar call, I saw people, going to the counselors, crying out to them, listening to prayers, cries, and help. People, not being able to stand up from their chairs, crying desperately within themselves. I took people up to the counselors, because I can feel that they needed someone. They needed to open up. I comforted the people next to me who were in reach. I couldn't even cry. How can you watch people that cry all around you? I got so used to crying at home, crying in anger, that I had no reason to cry. I had no reason to show meaningless emotion. But as soon as everyone was done crying, I began to cry. And CRYING is not, small tears that just come out. It's screaming at the top of your lungs, crying for joy, crying because you love God. Kuya PJ held me and prayed for me. I felt that I connected with his lifestory. I tried to wipe my tears, but as his comfort became known I began crying even more. I didn't care if everyone passed by me, if they were looking. I know who I was, I know who Jesus is. And if anyone questions me, I wouldn't be able give an answer, it's something I learned to live on, and if religion can't get the best out of you, how are you able to fear God? There's so much more I could write, but it wouldn't be enough for you to understand how much is going on. But being able to open up like that was something I needed. And I'm still going to worship Him, no matter what the cost because, He has so much planned for me. If waiting for you took a year, without even saying I love, we knew things would've been great, but I wasn't ready for that relationship, and that's when God was there for me. Jesus took me in, telling me that He loves me, in spirit and in truth. From now on, let's live to the fullest, ohk? I loved you, I loved you ever since, but you know that my love is from God. Take a good look at how much I wrote. And understand that not only did you change my life and realize that patience was key in our relationship, you've also opened up my eyes, and I hope I did the same for you. Hope things worked out for the best of you. Take grasp of the things you love, but learn to let go, and let God.
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