I feel like crap

My hands hurt, my feet hurt, my head hurts.

______I don't feel like doing anything but nothing. Just sit here in front of the laptop and listen to music while I stare at the ceiling. Thinking of nothing but all those stupid nonsense that happened before. I'm such an idiot for letting out my anger on myself. I waited and waited and WAITED for what I wanted. But it's karma that's controlling over me. In my life I'm taking two steps at a time on a ladder. If I stop now and look down and fall, my life is over. In some sort, I am selfish and stubborn. I learn so much to go over the limit. My standards are too strict. Outside my house, I'm living like a free slave. But that hell hole brings me back to the point where I want to give up everything and lose everything. There's no hope that can link my family to the people outside of my family. No trust, no respect, no acceptance. Only nothing. Face my parents, you'd be amazed if I told you the truth behind their backs. You wouldn't even dare say a word to them or even look at them. To make a point, I want to let my anger out right here. And I know there are others out there who have worst times than me at this moment, but hey, it's not fair to keep my mouth shut and have sympathy over others and look up to them. It's my turn right here, and I want to make this clear because I've given up already.
______Looking back at all my old blogs, I have given up, but I've learned to pick myself up and take another stride to my goals. But I've really lost myself in my own little world. I don't want to escape from this. Maybe just maybe, I can be a good person if I can just shut the hell up. My words are important to me, this is how I'm able to express myself. I love to talk no matter what the subject. But some of the words can cause me to put myself down and look upon what other messes I've gone through using these words; towards my friends, and my family. My head hurts. Last night was a burst of anger also. I got so mad at my parents, I threw my clothes at them and everything. Cried myself to sleep. Next morning, today, my mom wakes me up, WAKE UP YOU HAVE A DRIVING SCHEDULE TODAY. GET UP! Oh why did she have to wake me up with her horrible yells? So I kicked my wall with my feet showing her that I didn't want to get up at all because of last night. SOB, she just kept yelling. Yea, no respect at all when I'm angry. NO MERCY. So I got up, punched my wall three times without saying anything, and just gave her a glare. Threw clothes at her so that she could back up. Quickly, I locked the door, turned on the laptop, put the music as loud as I could and went to sleep. She goes around the house to my window telling me I have a phone call from Nicole. You know what? I don't care anymore, I'm gonna stay in this room. Who gives a damn about what's happening right now? Why should I contribute to them when they've never given me anything? The youth, with them, IT's A WASTE OF TIME. MY TIME. But thinking about it, what a selfish bitch I am. I waste my own time here on the internet. If only I can destroy this addiction. There are too many addictions. I hate when I have to make time for others, and yet the only time I have with myself is when I run and when I sleep. You all suck.
______I just woke up from my great sobering sleep. I'm more determined in using my time wisely. I plan to not talk to anyone unless it's something vigil and necessary. So basically I'm doing a day of silence. No, my whole entire year because I'm not wasting this time. I'm giving up myspace and aim and anything else that distracts me. I'm contradicting to my distractions, to the guys at school to the food to the friends who influence me to the haters to the things I used to do as hobbies. All the time will be put into hard work and school. Why? BECAUSE IT'S TIME FOR A NEW ERA.



Giving up is an option.